I love these things!

I always enjoy doing and reading these getting to know you type surveys.

1)What is your occupation right now?

Accountant for an insurance company.  Yes, that's as exciting as it sounds.

2)What color are your socks right now?

No socks for me today.  Honestly, I only wear socks to the gym for the most part.

3)What are you listening to right now?

The goats in the farm behind my house.  I don't actually live in a rural area.  But there's an actual farm behind my house.  The goats come right up to the fence that abuts my yard.  They're quite cute.

4)What was the last thing you ate?

The guts of a chicken salad wrap.

5)Can you drive Stick Shift?

In theory.  But let's not test that.

6)Last Person you spoke to on the phone.

One of my BFF's.  She called me at work to let me know how her kitty made out at the vet (ok) and to confirm plans for breakfast tomorrow.

7)Do you like the person you stole this blog from?

I like all of them!

8)How old are you today?

35

9)What's your favorite sport to watch on TV?

Baseball.  Go Red Sox!

10)What is your favorite drink?

Ice cold spring water.  Although, if we're talking adult beverage... my brother-in-law makes the best pomegranate margarita's.

11)Have you ever dyed your hair?

Only every 6 weeks.

12)Favorite Food?

Trick question!  I can't pick one favorite food.  But I freely admit that a world without ice cream is not a world in which I want to live.

13)What is the last movie that you watched?

At the theater, Horrible Bosses.  On TV, Miss Congeniality.

14)Favorite Day of the Year?

Halloween!  I love dressing up.  But loathe trick or treating.

15)How do you vent Anger?

I direct it inwardly.  Not recommended.

16)What was your favorite Toy as a Child?

My Paddington Bear.

17)What is your favorite season?

Spring.  Real spring.  Not the "springs" we've had lately in my neck of the woods where we go from dead of winter to blazing hot summer in the matter of a week.  I don't do extremes very well.

18)Cherries or Blueberries?

Cherries.  

19)Do you want your friends to blog this survey?

Of course!

20)Where is your favorite place to escape?

My favorite vacation spot is Las Vegas.  But for everyday escape, my couch works just fine, especially if there's something good on TV or the DVR.

21)Favorite TV Show?

This is worse than the favorite food question!  I am a TV whore.  My DVR fills up on a weekly basis with just the serial shows that I watch.  Notable faves are: Modern Family, Big Bang Theory, The Closer, Psych, Memphis Blues, Eureka, True Blood, Burn Notice... oh, I could really just go on and on here...

22)Living Arrangements?

I live with my husband and our 3 cats (just adopted a couple of weeks ago after the death of our beloved Grimace).  I bought this house 10 years ago, about a month before I even met Mr. Musselton.  We married 4 years later and he moved in with me.  I still sometimes forget that it's "our" house now.  

23)When was the last time you cried?

Over the weekend.... thinking about my kitty that died.  But I'm a crier anyway.  A sappy movie, a great piece of music, and that g*d Sarah MacLachlan commercial with the abused animals gets me every time!

24)What is on the floor of your closet?

Shoes.  Shoes that I haven't worn in years and should really get out of there.

25)Who is the friend you have had the longest?

Sadly I just recently had a falling out with the friend I've had the longest.  Long story and might be a post in the near future since it does deal with my weight loss to a certain extent.  But the friend from question #6 has been a dear friend for about 20 years.  She was the maid of honor at my wedding.  She's actually the reason I even met my husband.

26)What did you do last night?

My mom had a meeting last night so I was on "Daddy duty".  It's not that my father is incapable of getting his own dinner... but it's just easier for everyone involved is my sister or I make sure he's fed on such nights.  So, my husband, sister, brother-in-law and I had dinner at my parents' house.  

27)What are you most afraid of?

Disappointing people.

28)Plain, Cheese, or Spicy hamburger?

Cheese.  Hands down.  Funny aside... when my sister and I were little.  She hated cheeseburgers.  And she would tell you that.  However, if given the option of hamburger, cheeseburger or hamburger with cheese.  She would go with hamburger with cheese.  And she's the smart one in the family?

29)Favorite Dog Breed?

Cat.  I don't dislike dogs.  I had dogs growing up (Lab/Retriever mix) and loved them.  My sister has a beagle/pug/jack russell and I adore my "neph-puppy".  But I'm actually a little afraid of dogs and could never have my own as they just deserve more time than I am able to give them right now.

30)Favorite Day of the Week?

Any day I don't have to go to work.  A close second is Wednesday because I work from home on Wednesdays.

31)How many states have you lived in?

Just 2.  Massachusetts for most of my life.  A brief stint in Louisiana as a child while my Dad was in the Army.  We also lived in a Germany for a couple of years.

32)Diamonds or Pearls?
I can't really choose.  I love the simplicity of a strand of pearls, but who doesn't love sparkles?  I actually don't have either.  I don't own pearls and even my engagement ring is an emerald!

33)What is your favorite Flower?

If someone wants to give me flowers, I'm not going to be choosy.  However, I find the smell of lillies very overpowering.  My parents sent me a lovely arrangement to work for my birthday this year.  I had to take the lillies out because they were giving me a headache.

Well, What are your answers?

Minor Epiphany

This might seem like a no-brainer to a lot of you.  On the surface this little nugget of advice seems like common sense.  But I recently came to the realization that a credo I hold onto ("Just because it comes in your size, doesn't mean you should wear it.")  also works in reverse:

Just because you can wear it,

doesn't mean it's your size.

I started this journey over a year ago at 326 lbs.  I was wearing a size 24 pant from Lane Bryant rather comfortably then.  I currently weigh 274.5 and just recently got rid of my size 24's.  I had been wearing them this whole time.

I don't know what possessed me to think that the 24's still "fit".  I guess in my mind something doesn't fit only if I can't squeeze myself into it.  It really didn't dawn on me that something I could take on and off without unbuttoning, unzipping or otherwise unfastening was equally ill-fitting, and let's be honest... unflattering.

Yesterday I slipped into a pair of size 20 pants (Lane Bryant Houston trousers... my favorite) because it was the only clean thing I could wear to work without having to shave my legs.  Lo and behold, they went on and buttoned without any gut sucking or contortions.

And get this... they looked good.  I immediately noticed that I looked smaller.  Well, it stands to reason.  I have been hiding my 50lb loss behind the same pants I wore when I weighed 326lbs!  This became clear to me last night when someone who sees me on a very regular basis asked me if I'd lost weight.

Please tell me I'm not the only one to whom this notion came as a surprise.

Bye, Bye, Fill! Hello, Fifty!

Ah well...

So my last fill of 0.5 cc put me at (I think) 8.5cc in my 14cc band.  At first I was concerned it was too much since I was getting stuck almost every day.  But, I decided to give it time to settle down and it did.  And my band and I were in sync for the first time since we became acquainted in September.

I had great restriction.  Occasionally I would test my limits and end up PB'ing.  But no vomiting, no heartburn and I was satisfied with so much less food in terms of volume.

But then I started PB'ing on a daily basis. Odd.  What was causing this?  The weather?  TOM?  Something to do with the tides or phases of the moon?  I don't know.

So today at my check up I told the PA I definitely did not want a fill and after hearing what had been going on she asked if I would be okay with taking a little out.  I said I'd be okay with taking a smidge out.  She tried 3 times to get the needle in the port with no luck so she had to call in the dr to do it.  Well, he did and he finished up and told me he took out .5cc.  Oh.  Well, that sucks.  He took out my entire last fill.  More than I had anticipated having removed.  But I was kind of glad just to have it over with.  And it's only for 4 weeks tops.  If this removes all the good restriction I had I can always get more added next time.  Maybe just not the full 0.5cc.

I've glossed over the fact that I've officially lost over 50 lbs.  I feel pretty good about that.  I'd really love to be able to lose another 20 (well, 18.5) before Sept 29th.  Then I can say I've lost 50lbs post-operatively in one year.  That would be stellar for me.  It's ambitious for me since I really only average 1 lb/week lost.  But if I really focus it's completely possible.  After all, I lost the same amount in almost the same time frame last year before I even had the band!

On a personal note, I had to put my cat down last weekend.  I adopted Grimace as a 3(ish) year old cat 9 years ago.  A month after I adopted him I found out he had diabetes insipidus (different than diabetes mellitus which is what people think of when they hear "diabetes").  But I had already fallen in love with him by then so the $100/month medication regimen and frequent vet visits just had to be done.  Over the years he had various close calls.  He developed an auto-immune disorder in 2005, pancreatitis in 2009 and then a few months ago was diagnosed with diabetes mellitus.  Long story short, he actually had pancreatic cancer that developed quickly. After having a seizure last weekend, we got that diagnosis and I knew I had to let him go.  My husband and I are both pretty devastated as the Grimace was basically our baby.  But I know we will adopt again.  After all, there are plenty of kitties out there who need rescuing.

I leave you with a picture of the Grimace:

Are We There Yet?

I think I'm "there"... at or near that elusive sweet spot. Things finally clicked at 8.5cc (in my 14cc band) It only took about 8 months, but I can definitely tell I've got a Lab-Band now. I can not eat too fast. I can not take big bites and I must chew really well. Or else, I make "the face". The one that prompts my husband to ask, "are you okay?"

I'm still losing. It's slow and at times frustrating, but I'm down 48 lbs on my surgeon's scale and 49 on my nutritionist's scale.

I met with my nutritionist this week and she remarked at how significant it is that I've lost nearly 50 lbs. She asked me how it feels. Interesting question because I don't really feel any different. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. But I felt the same way at 220 (my lowest adult weight) as I did at 330. Disgusted.

Sure, I can tell that I'm losing weight. Clothes fit me better. I take up less room in seats. I can move better. But losing 50 lbs seems insignificant compared to the 125 I still have to lose!

That's not to say I'm not happy to have done as well as I have thus far... it's just hard for me to be as excited as people seem to expect me to be.

For the record... yay me!

Fast Forward to Today

It's been way too long since I've posted. Part of it is I feel like I have nothing worthwhile to report. Part of it is I've been sort of at a stand still with my weight. I've been fighting with the same 5 pounds for the past month. I will do updates in bullet formation since everything is so all over the place.

• Happy Birthday to Me! Monday was my 35th Birthday (or 6th Anniversary of my 29th birthday). My birthday was pretty uneventful. Birthday-Palooza used to last an entire month. I'm too old for that now though apparently. I went out Thursday, Friday and Saturday then had to take a day off on Sunday. The big celebration comes this Saturday. It's my annual Murder Mystery birthday party.


• I took my 1st vacation post-band. I was only half as nervous as usual that they were going to make me buy a 2nd seat, refuse to let me board or kick me off the plane. I fit into the seat fairly well and had no trouble with the seatbelt. I went to Las Vegas, which of course is loosely translated to "Land of the Buffet". I was nervous. But I tried to look at it less as "how much can I pile on my plate for $15?" and more like "how many different things can I try a small taste of?" I was moderately successful. I came home weighing more than when I left, but not much.


• My bathroom is finally finished (well, 95% finished - still waiting on the shower door, and I still need to paint the bathroom door). But we're using it and it's like a little spa retreat compared what I used to have.


• Of course when it rains it pours. Just when the last check for the bathroom renovation cleared, we find out that our entire electrical service needs to be upgraded. And brought to code. The electrician was only a little horrified at the job that had been done previously (before I even bought the place). I knew it was coming. When I bought the house 10 years ago and found that they were still using fuses I knew this day would come. Especially since I want central air eventually. I just hoped it wouldn't be immediately following a $16k bathroom remodel. Oh, and have I mentioned that my husband has been unemployed for the past 2 years?


• Husband was let go from his job in May 2009. In Feb 2010 he landed a temp job that paid about 2/3 of what he had been making and offered no benefits, but it was better than unemployment, the commute was great and the people were very nice. That 16 week job turned into 51 weeks. At one point they were ready to offer him a full time position with the most amazing benefits package. Well, that fell through and they ended the temp assignment. (we recently found out that the office he had been working in is being closed, so this ended up being a good thing). Anyway, he's back on unemployment and pounding the pavement. It's tough. He's depressed and I'm starting to get worried. This electrical upgrade completely wipes out our savings. We no longer have a cushion. When I get worried, I eat. So far I haven't undone any of the progress I've made in the past 10 months, but I'm not making any history on the scale either.


• I had my first official PB episode yesterday. I've been stuck a few times since my last fill. Almost always due to my carelessness. But it always went down eventually. Yesterday I stopped by my parents' house and after having had nothing but 2 protein shakes all day decided to snack on the last chicken tender leftover from my dinner the night before. 1 bite in I could feel resistance, but I kept going. By the 3rd bite I was in pain. Tried to burp, but that wasn't working. Finally I knew I had to get myself to the bathroom. And just as my husband asked, "are you alright?"... I threw up. In my hands. I got to the bathroom, cleaned myself up and my mother was impressed that I caught it all. Nothing for her to clean up. You're welcome, Mom! I'd rather not do that again. But at least it wasn't a big production. Only my husband and my mother (a WLS patient herself) were witness to it. And now I know what it feels like.


• My weight is almost exactly where it was at my last dr's appt. I have another one on Monday. I think I will ask for a small fill. I know I'm close, but I don't think I'm there yet. And even though I have had a couple of stuck moments and that PB episode yesterday, I can almost guarantee those were the direct result of me not chewing and taking big bites. I just hope that by Monday my weight isn't actually up. At this point I can handle the same... but not up. That would totally derail me. One thing in my favor is that my clothing will be lighter. Last time I was there it was wool pants and a sweater. Monday can be capri's and lightweight top.

Perspective

2 posts from me in a week? Madness! But I'm pretty excited and wanted to share.
I just got back from my check-in with my nutritionist. Not the one at my surgeon's office, the one I've been seeing since 1994.

She, of course, weighed me. And although I feel that the weight was artificially low since I've been subsisting on primarily protein shakes for 2 days, it did reflect a substantial loss since the last time I saw her on Jan 19th.

She looked back over my records and discovered that I haven't been this low since 2003. I feel like I'm turning back time!

Fill #5

I'm getting to be an old pro at this. My surgeon does fills every 4 weeks for the 1st six months or so after surgery. I had my 5th fill yesterday and it was uneventful. I lost 1.5 lbs since Fill #4. (sadly this was up 1.2 lbs from my Sunday weight for the Spring Challenge.)

I'm resisting the urge to say I "only" lost 1.5. I was feeling pretty bad about that and then I tried to reframe it (all those years of therapy are paying off!)... That means I've lost just over 20 lbs in the 5 months since surgery. That's about a pound a week. Not stellar, but still pretty respectable. And, quite frankly, I doubt I could have done even that without having the band. I've also lost just over 40 lbs since I first met with Dr. R back in June 2010. Again, not breaking any records. But every time I go see him, I weigh a little bit less I did the last time. I can be satisfied with that.

Since after the last fill I finally started "feeling it", we only added .5cc to bring me up to 7.5cc I'm getting close I think. We'll see what this one does as I progress back up to solid foods.

After Fill #4 I could still eat pretty much all solid foods. I avoided bread, but had no trouble with any meats. Occasionally I would make the mistake of drinking some water too soon after eating. That is a weird feeling. But (knocking on wood) nothing has gotten stuck thus far.

Bathroom renovations still aren't done. The past 4 weeks I've been consistently going to the gym 4x a week, so that's one good thing out of it. Hopefully I don't lose momentum. I hate going. But I like how it feels afterwards so I hate not going too. Is that weird?

Still Here

Wow, it's been well over a month since my last post. I have been reading everyone's blogs and commenting where I could. I just really haven't had much to report. No great NSV's or SV's for that matter. No major life accomplishments. Not even any drama.

I'm struggling, but it's really my own fault and I know it. I'm not being overly mindful of the rules and what I'm doing. I'm not gaining. I'm losing, just very slowly. And that's okay. I keep reminding myself, I'm not gaining.

I had my 4th fill last month and got another 1.0 cc added to bring me up to 7cc now. My band is now 1/2 full. To be sure, I can definitely eat a lot less than I used to be able to pre-band. I can longer stuff a whole large pizza in my face. But I can still eat 1/2 a pizza if given the chance. I have to work on reminding myself that just because I can doesn't mean I need to. I'm finally feeling some legit restriction. I'm surprised by the small amount of food that I actually require to feel satisfied.

Anyway, I was down 4.5 lbs at my last visit for a total of 39lbs lost since the beginning of this adventure. 20 pre-op and 19 post-op. I haven't been on a scale in a few weeks. I need to though. I have another fill next week and need to know what to expect when I get on their scale.

My non band related life is in complete upheaval. Work has been insane. It's annual statement time at my company. 10 years ago when I first started in the deparment I'm in we had 13 people working on our portion. Now it's just me. I'm the last man standing as it were. So stressful. But at least I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I might get a day off in a couple of weeks.

At home my bathroom is being remodeled. It is important to note that we only have the 1 bathroom in our house. Thankfully they hook the toilet back up every night before they leave. Because, although showering at the gym or my parents' house is getting old.... having to get in the car to drive over to my mom's at 3am if nature calls in the middle of the night is not a good time in my book.

One good thing about the remodel is that it's forced me back to the gym. I have to shower. Sometimes it's just more convenient to shower at the gym. And if I'm going to go to the gym I might as well get a workout in, right? So hopefully I can get back into the swing of things there. I've been going 4 days a week for the past 3 weeks. That's not quite I had been doing pre-op, but a heck of a lot better than I've been doing since the surgery.

I'm looking forward to the Spring Challenge. I need the accountability and the encouragement. I like these challanges for defined periods of time. It's perfect, too because the challenge ends right before my Vegas Vacation and I have a mini goal for myself. I'd like to weigh less on April 17 when we fly out than I did when we went for our wedding in 2005. I'm close. But I've been hovering here for a while now. I need something to push me past it.

I'm the Tortoise

My weight loss has been painfully slow. But at least I'm losing. Whenever I get weighed at my surgeon's office it has always been down from the time before. I have to keep reminding myself of that. I'm not breaking any records, but I'm plugging along... and that's better progress than in any of my previous attempts at this battle. It's been 7 months since I first met with the surgeon. In that 7 months I've slowly (but surely) managed to lose over 35 lbs.

I went in for my 3rd fill on Monday. (Only) down 1.5lbs since my last appt 5 weeks ago. He added another cc to bring me up to 5cc in my 14cc band. He reminded me that most patients he sees with this size band don't really feel the restriction until around 8cc so I'm doing fine. And my weight is down...which is especially good considering the time of year.

It's a snow day here for me. I normally work from home on Weds so it's not really a snow day... I still have to work, I'm just housebound due to the foot of snow in my driveway... and the 4' of snow left at the end of my driveway from the plows. I hate winter and every year I wonder why it is I stay in New England when I hate winter this much. Hopefully my father won't be too tired when he gets home from work and snowblows his driveway to come over and do mine as well. Oh wait, that's why I stay here... it is sometimes very handy to have my parents live about a mile away.